i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
