i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
