Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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