I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
