i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
