Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
