It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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