I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
