They should really pass out barf bags in church
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
