that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
