The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
