Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
