I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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