Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
