I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize