Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
