I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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