i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
