I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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