I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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