I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
