Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
