How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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