i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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