She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
