Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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