Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
