Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Buhtt sex?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
