I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
