Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
