I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
