it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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