Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
