My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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