I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
