I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
