so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
