I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
