we have officially lost it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
