Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
