I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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