garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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