I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
