when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
