Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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