Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
