Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
