I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
