I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They are going to name an STD after you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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