I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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