I am spending my child support on dildos
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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