I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
