I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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