She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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