You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
