so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize