I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
