The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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