This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
