My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I smell like Dick and happiness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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