I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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