Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
