I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
