Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
