my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
