need another drink. this is the easiest way
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
